Tag Archives: alone

Fears

Sitting back here on this comfortable bamboo chair in my balcony sipping my tea with a cigarette in my hand and seeing some smoke not sure if its from the cig or tea or the smoke of fear. I just stood there as relaxed as possible but only physically but not mentally at all. This thought came into my mind “am I really getting old?” I’m not afraid of getting old cause years passing are just numbers I’m counting but deep inside I’m so alive, energetic, loving life and going out and learning and experimenting and reading, etc…. I love Life. 

However I was just thinking that now I’m sitting here all alone enjoying the lovely weather but alone. Where are my children? Where is my husband? Where are my friends? Well, the answer is that I spent all my life just for them. Now my children are not kids anymore. Each of them has his life now. My son got into college and living with his Grand parents cause they are closer to his University. My daughter is always with her friends, not strange at all as she reminds me of myself when I was her age. As for my husband, he comes back home from work late enough to have dinner and just sleep or watch TV for an hour and then sleep. No social life. I can’t reach my friends cause Im too far away from them and they dont want to hang out here in tagamo3 and I can go to them but my timing doesnt suit them unfortunately. So I was fearing that this will be my days till the end, just sitting here alone forever.

Leave a comment

Filed under Blogs, experience, family, fear, feeling, personal

Doors of Fear

Sitting home all alone in Cairo after my friend Amal travelled back to her country. Nothing much to do during this curfew, nothing except eating and watching TV. I had dinner twice and couldn’t sleep, so I decided to watch TV. Turning channels, I found an episode called Doors of Fear. It’s some kind of horror or suspense, don’t know the genre exactly but I can only say its weird. I found myself caught with the events and actor and was like daydreaming and feeling like its happening to me especially that the actor was a journalist and a writer, so writing is a common thing between us. I was living the moment when I heard a weird noise like someone is trying to break the door and come in. I startled for a moment and looked at the door knob, it was not turning or moving, but I was quite sure that there is somebody behind the door and trying to come in. The noise became louder and the door was shaking until it was open and I found my cat coming in so quickly. At that moment I was really shocked and stood there telling myself “how did I ever forget that I own a cat and that I shouldn’t have closed that door”. Oh my God, I shouldn’t stay home alone again, especially after watching this horror episodes.

Leave a comment

Filed under Blogs, experience, fear, feeling, personal