Category Archives: fear

Fears

Sitting back here on this comfortable bamboo chair in my balcony sipping my tea with a cigarette in my hand and seeing some smoke not sure if its from the cig or tea or the smoke of fear. I just stood there as relaxed as possible but only physically but not mentally at all. This thought came into my mind “am I really getting old?” I’m not afraid of getting old cause years passing are just numbers I’m counting but deep inside I’m so alive, energetic, loving life and going out and learning and experimenting and reading, etc…. I love Life. 

However I was just thinking that now I’m sitting here all alone enjoying the lovely weather but alone. Where are my children? Where is my husband? Where are my friends? Well, the answer is that I spent all my life just for them. Now my children are not kids anymore. Each of them has his life now. My son got into college and living with his Grand parents cause they are closer to his University. My daughter is always with her friends, not strange at all as she reminds me of myself when I was her age. As for my husband, he comes back home from work late enough to have dinner and just sleep or watch TV for an hour and then sleep. No social life. I can’t reach my friends cause Im too far away from them and they dont want to hang out here in tagamo3 and I can go to them but my timing doesnt suit them unfortunately. So I was fearing that this will be my days till the end, just sitting here alone forever.

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SAT October

So this month is so busy. We kinda settled down a little bit here in our new home, but still the furniture shopping is one step at a time.

My son was studying for his SAT exam for a whole month and was taking private lessons in a centre on a daily basis. Imagine the poor guy coming back from school at 3:30 in tagamo3 and leaving in 10 min for his lesson which starts at 4:30 in Mohandesin and this went on everyday. Anyway, he took the exam and came out with a very bad experience saying that he doesn’t want to take it again. He didn’t do well and I’m not expecting a good score but I had to take it easy cause I know that he was under a huge pressure. He has another test but in Lebanon next month so I want him to feel more comfortable this time. Im giving him a break for a week and start again. Hope this coming one will be easier.

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Another Year

Now that 2015 is right around the corner and this means that another year has gone, I have a very strange feeling unlike every year. I’m not happy but I’m not sad. It’s a weird feeling that I don’t quite understand. I feel I’m getting older and that I’m not accomplishing anything. I was very energetic and full of power and enthusiasm and thought that I have lots of things to do. But when I really look into it and think deeply, I realize that I’m wasting so much time on things that don’t deserve that much. I’m running towards things that I don’t belong to. Just two weeks ago I felt so young and eager to continue what I’m doing, but all of a sudden I’m feeling down. Maybe it’s because my husband quit his job today and maybe cause we will be moving and maybe cause I’m really aging, I do not know. But what I’m sure of, is that I don’t want to go back to Egypt now.

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The Blue Elephant

I watched the Blue Elephant movie when I was in Egypt. It’s an Egyptian movie starring Karim Abdelaziz, Khaled ElSawi and Nelly Karim. Its a must watch if its gonna be shown here in Kuwait. I can’t explain the genre or the idea of the film but all I can say that it’s a piece of Art. Some loved it and others said that’s its a horror movie. I wasn’t afraid at all although I hate scary movies, but I was rather pulled to watch it till the end. Yes it’s a bit weird but why not? We got bored of the regular comedy movies which some of them were stupid lately. This movie has a story and the actors were beyond perfection. Would love to see it again.

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Crossed my mind

Strange enough I was watching a movie when all of a sudden I remembered my friend Shams (RIP). Shams was my best friend ever since we were little girls with braids. She had asthma and we all knew about it cause it sometimes made her stay at home instead of attending a birthday party for example. We dealt with it as a normal thing and never thought it was serious, maybe because we were young and not mature enough. I was so close to her and her family. Her elder sister was so nice and was like a friend too and also her cousin. Then shams got married and traveled with her husband to Saudi Arabia and since that time I can say we separated forever. She stayed there for several years then when they decided to come back to Egypt and settle, it was our turn to leave and come here to kuwait (so ironic). I never saw her again or her family as I heard the sad news over the phone and I didn’t even have the chance to say Goodbye my friend. Shams I love you and won’t ever forget you. Forgive me for not being there with you at the hardest times.

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Nov 19

Today is Nov 19, we were supposed to celebrate Mel’s birthday and we organized a dancing party for ladies only. All our preparation, food, DJ, friends and the Cake were ready. But however unfortunately and terrible enough, the weather changed all this. We had a storm, heavy rain, strange thunder and frightening lightening. Some areas flooded completely while other places you couldn’t enter with your cars, not to mention two people died also. It was a disaster not just a simple rainy day. However the rain came and went several times. Wasn’t non stop. So, we couldn’t predict how it would be at night and just decided to cancel the party and postpone it till Saturday.
On the other hand and weird enough, I sold my car today in the midst of all this. Was so quick and easy. What a Day.

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Celebrating and then

Two days ago we had dinner at Burj Al Hamam on the Arabian Gulf Road to celebrate two weddings, a Master’s Degree obtained and a birthday. My friends and my family met there and had a wonderful evening full of laughs and exchanged gifts together. Not to mention the food of course, it was lovely and the view itself was fantastic. We were in the middle of the sea and our friends loved the place.
I woke up next morning (yesterday) and I laid down on the couch with my cup of tea and chocolate cake as a breakfast and then I got a call from Mellissa telling me that she has received a bazaar call from probably the thief who stole her purse last week. He told her that he has her flash memory with him and that he saw there were important stuff she might need for work and asked to meet him. Well I was a bit shocked but didn’t show that to Mel not to frighten her. Anyway we decided to meet him at the police station cause we didn’t know whether he is the criminal himself or an innocent guy who just found it in the street as mentioned. My husband came with us and when we reached there, Melissa and I stayed in the car cause the windows were tinted and he couldn’t see us. Mohamed went inside to report all this and see what to be done. Meanwhile, the man text Mel saying that he will leave. I guess he knew that we are the ones in that car and got a bit worried when my hubby went inside the station and Melissa didn’t come out of the car. However, Melissa kept texting him back and forth until Mohamed and two officers headed to the man’s car. He stepped out with them and went inside and we followed them. The officers saw his ID and listened to what he said and then told us that we should thank him as he was sincere enough to come to the station and handle something he found. That was it, we took the drive and headed home. Melissa didn’t want to go back to her apartment all alone as he might have tracked her address so she came with us and stayed for half an hour and accompanied us to the hair salon as my daughter had an appointment at Centro Bellezza salon in salmiya. It was fun and we both took an appointment for hair treatment with caviar on Thursday. Then I dropped her near her home and we headed back home. This was our adventure for the day.

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