Sitting back here on this comfortable bamboo chair in my balcony sipping my tea with a cigarette in my hand and seeing some smoke not sure if its from the cig or tea or the smoke of fear. I just stood there as relaxed as possible but only physically but not mentally at all. This thought came into my mind “am I really getting old?” I’m not afraid of getting old cause years passing are just numbers I’m counting but deep inside I’m so alive, energetic, loving life and going out and learning and experimenting and reading, etc…. I love Life.
However I was just thinking that now I’m sitting here all alone enjoying the lovely weather but alone. Where are my children? Where is my husband? Where are my friends? Well, the answer is that I spent all my life just for them. Now my children are not kids anymore. Each of them has his life now. My son got into college and living with his Grand parents cause they are closer to his University. My daughter is always with her friends, not strange at all as she reminds me of myself when I was her age. As for my husband, he comes back home from work late enough to have dinner and just sleep or watch TV for an hour and then sleep. No social life. I can’t reach my friends cause Im too far away from them and they dont want to hang out here in tagamo3 and I can go to them but my timing doesnt suit them unfortunately. So I was fearing that this will be my days till the end, just sitting here alone forever.
So this month is so busy. We kinda settled down a little bit here in our new home, but still the furniture shopping is one step at a time.
My son was studying for his SAT exam for a whole month and was taking private lessons in a centre on a daily basis. Imagine the poor guy coming back from school at 3:30 in tagamo3 and leaving in 10 min for his lesson which starts at 4:30 in Mohandesin and this went on everyday. Anyway, he took the exam and came out with a very bad experience saying that he doesn’t want to take it again. He didn’t do well and I’m not expecting a good score but I had to take it easy cause I know that he was under a huge pressure. He has another test but in Lebanon next month so I want him to feel more comfortable this time. Im giving him a break for a week and start again. Hope this coming one will be easier.
Now that 2015 is right around the corner and this means that another year has gone, I have a very strange feeling unlike every year. I’m not happy but I’m not sad. It’s a weird feeling that I don’t quite understand. I feel I’m getting older and that I’m not accomplishing anything. I was very energetic and full of power and enthusiasm and thought that I have lots of things to do. But when I really look into it and think deeply, I realize that I’m wasting so much time on things that don’t deserve that much. I’m running towards things that I don’t belong to. Just two weeks ago I felt so young and eager to continue what I’m doing, but all of a sudden I’m feeling down. Maybe it’s because my husband quit his job today and maybe cause we will be moving and maybe cause I’m really aging, I do not know. But what I’m sure of, is that I don’t want to go back to Egypt now.
I watched the Blue Elephant movie when I was in Egypt. It’s an Egyptian movie starring Karim Abdelaziz, Khaled ElSawi and Nelly Karim. Its a must watch if its gonna be shown here in Kuwait. I can’t explain the genre or the idea of the film but all I can say that it’s a piece of Art. Some loved it and others said that’s its a horror movie. I wasn’t afraid at all although I hate scary movies, but I was rather pulled to watch it till the end. Yes it’s a bit weird but why not? We got bored of the regular comedy movies which some of them were stupid lately. This movie has a story and the actors were beyond perfection. Would love to see it again.
Strange enough I was watching a movie when all of a sudden I remembered my friend Shams (RIP). Shams was my best friend ever since we were little girls with braids. She had asthma and we all knew about it cause it sometimes made her stay at home instead of attending a birthday party for example. We dealt with it as a normal thing and never thought it was serious, maybe because we were young and not mature enough. I was so close to her and her family. Her elder sister was so nice and was like a friend too and also her cousin. Then shams got married and traveled with her husband to Saudi Arabia and since that time I can say we separated forever. She stayed there for several years then when they decided to come back to Egypt and settle, it was our turn to leave and come here to kuwait (so ironic). I never saw her again or her family as I heard the sad news over the phone and I didn’t even have the chance to say Goodbye my friend. Shams I love you and won’t ever forget you. Forgive me for not being there with you at the hardest times.
Today is Nov 19, we were supposed to celebrate Mel’s birthday and we organized a dancing party for ladies only. All our preparation, food, DJ, friends and the Cake were ready. But however unfortunately and terrible enough, the weather changed all this. We had a storm, heavy rain, strange thunder and frightening lightening. Some areas flooded completely while other places you couldn’t enter with your cars, not to mention two people died also. It was a disaster not just a simple rainy day. However the rain came and went several times. Wasn’t non stop. So, we couldn’t predict how it would be at night and just decided to cancel the party and postpone it till Saturday.
On the other hand and weird enough, I sold my car today in the midst of all this. Was so quick and easy. What a Day.
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